


R-E-S-P-E-C-T

by Pandasushiroll



Category: Marvel
Genre: Awesome May Parker (Spider-Man), BAMF May Parker (Spider-Man), Birthday Fluff, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Bruce Banner Feels, Bruce Banner-centric, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:02:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24181789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandasushiroll/pseuds/Pandasushiroll
Summary: Bruce theorizes that May Parker might have the scariest ability of all the Avengers.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	R-E-S-P-E-C-T

**Author's Note:**

> A gift for Pizza Dog, the cutest of the cute, on Soups.

They're all here because of some new secret initiative. At least, that's what they're told upfront. In reality, they're all here because it's Phil Coulson's twenty-year anniversary (which is not something SHIELD normally celebrates but when you're faced with May Parker, good fucking luck getting her not to make a big deal out of a milestone.) 

This woman might actually have the scariest ability of everyone in this room. She just speaks and people  _ listen. _

She hands Tony a plate of food. Tony never stops to eat because he's always working but the billionaire scarfs it down (albeit begrudgingly) because May asks him  _ very nicely  _ if he's had anything to eat today. Steve basically melts anytime she even greets him. It's like he's talking to his beloved grandmother or something, they just lapse into stories about each of their "Good Old Days" or anecdotes about "Kids These Days". Barnes becomes very talkative and charming. Weird. Scott acts like he's found his long lost sister. Natasha actually looks--relatively embarrassed(?) every time May compliments her or hugs her like she's one of her own. Phil Coulson  _ smiles _ and it's terrifying because there is nothing clinical or polite about it. 

But the most impressive thing he's seen today is her ability to floor someone like Thor  _ The God of Thunder _ . He's reaching for Strange's cloak--the weird one that moves by itself--and Bruce swears that the cloak quivers like it doesn't want to be touched. Strange seems oblivious or lost in whatever bland remark he's making toward Wong and Peter, and everything stops when there's the distinct sound of a  _ SMACK! _

Thor, who by the way has been shot and crushed by a building, recoils as if it actually hurt (which is just ridiculous) and in the next moment May is waggling her finger at him. 

"Thor Odinson!" 

Oop. Full name. He's done it now. Peter looks distinctly terrified and embarrassed (he knows what's coming). He palms his face like he can't watch, but peeks through his fingers (because you can't look away from a trainwreck). 

Thor shrinks, somehow. Squeaking out, "Yes, May?"

"I know you did not just try to reach out and  _ touch  _ The Cloak of Levity or--Flying or--The Cloak!"

Strange, in his infinite wisdom, decides that this is obviously the best moment to open his mouth (Bruce gets the feeling he always has to be right and it might get him into trouble). "Well actually it's called--"

May doesn't even look at him when she says, "Oh shush, Stephen."

_ Oh, shush, Stephen. _ She says. She just says Strange's first name like they're best friends and he's getting out of line.  _ And he shushe _ d. May Parker just shushed the Sorcerer Supreme and it actually worked. (This might be the best party he's ever been to.) May is trudging ahead, in full-blown Maternal Mode. 

"You can't just touch other people's things. That is very rude! Look at the cloak. You've made it very uncomfortable, and shame on you. Not only is it  _ very impolite _ to touch someone else's things you've made the cloak upset, Thor. One does not simply  _ touch _ The Cloak. Okay? I know your mother taught you better than this. Surely. What would Odin say?" She's shaking her head.

She just made a Lord of the Rings reference, and she doesn't even seem to realize it. This is officially the best day ever. Peter catches it too and they share a silent moment of celebration. Bruce is beside himself with amusement.

Thor is nodding along obediently, like a guilty puppy.

"Now, apologize to The Cloak, and tell Stephen you will not play with his magical artifacts." 

Dutifully, Thor repeats, "I apologize, Cloak." A pause. Strange looks torn between...well actually Bruce doesn't know what that face means. Is it amusement? Well. If it  _ is _ amusement he's torn between that and maintaining a blank expression. "Sorry, Strange." 

May crosses her arms. "Thor." 

He ducks his head and mumbles, "I will not play with any of your magical artifacts." 

She nods, reaching out to pat his shoulder. "Go have some cake."

Immediately Thor's demeanor shifts and it's like he never got in trouble in the first place. Peter looks mortified because everyone kind of looks at him like:  _ who even is your aunt _ ? 

Wong seems to be beaming, Peter is furiously whispering toward his aunt and flailing his arms around with the dramatics that only a teenager could muster. Strange pats May on the shoulder and it's weird because Bruce hasn't ever seen him offer a friendly touch. It's an unusual group but between the wizards, the teenager, and her they look like the weirdest amalgamation of a family Bruce has ever seen. 

By the time she makes her rounds to Bruce he's smiling because it's kind of impossible not to smile around May Parker. She just slips into whatever role she needs to, depending on the person she's addressing. 

"Strange should make her the next Sorcerer Supreme." Tony jokes over his shoulder after May moves on to Clint Barton. "I guess it would be Sorceress?"

"No kidding. I've never seen Thor look so small."

"Maybe I should hire her…"

"I think she'd end up staging the politest coupe in the history of corporate takeovers," Bruce admits with a laugh. 

"You're right." 

"It's nice though." He doesn't specify what exactly is nice. 

Having an actual nice evening out? Where there isn't a global crisis and he isn't terrified that  _ The Other Guy  _ will show up and ruin everything? This is the first time in a long while where he's just been able to enjoy himself.

* * *

Perhaps he speaks too soon because it's his birthday a few days later and it's 8 AM and Strange and Thor are at his door. 

"Um?" He greets because what else are you supposed to say when two Very Important people show up to collect you first thing in the morning? 

Thor looks excited. Strange looks...well. Neutral. As per usual. 

"We've come to collect you," Thor announces. 

"For…?"

"Your birthday." Strange supplies. 

Bruce can't believe he's doing this, but he slowly raises a finger and points at the wizard. "But you're the Sorcerer Supreme." 

This gets a giggle out of Thor. "May." 

Well  _ obviously _ but, "How? Does she...what did she do to you?" 

Strange very pointedly looks at something over Bruce's head. "I don't wish to discuss it." 

_ Oh my god. _ Bruce barely holds back the laughter. He suddenly understands why Thor is so giddy. 

Bruce is dreading this honestly. He told May about one hundred or so times that he didn't want her to make a big deal out of his birthday. He thought about avoiding her today, but apparently she'd see through that ploy and sent the freaking God of Thunder and the Sorcerer Supreme to collect him. 

Strange does some weird magic after Thor very clumsily blindfolds him and the next thing he knows he's in a quaint living room. It's snowing outside. A small but cozy cabin. He's bewildered. 

When he turns Thor is elbowing Strange who is very grumpily pulling out a flashcard. He starts reading the card in the flattest voice he can muster, "Happy birthday Bruce. We--" He rolls his eyes. 

Thor elbows him again. (The pairing is starting to make sense now. Strange is here to collect Bruce and Thor is here to make sure he does everything he's supposed to.) 

Strange continues, "We all...love you," he says love like it's a disease, "Very much. I know how you never get the chance to relax so I found this remote cabin and I had Thor bring some Asgardian liquor so you could have drinks and relax by a fire." He pauses, silently reading. Then he snaps his fingers and the fireplace to their right blazes to life. He tosses the card into the flames, exasperated. 

"We will collect you on the morrow."

"That means tomorrow," Thor adds. 

It gets a chuckle out of Bruce. "Thank you, Thor. This is…" Honestly kind of nice. He spies a stack of newspapers all turned to the crossword section and a pile of books he's been meaning to read. "Thank you." 

"Thank Ms.Parker. She's the one that's fond of you." Strange says grumpily. 

"We are  _ all _ fond of you, my friend." Thor corrects with a glower in Strange's direction. "Enjoy your birthday." 

They leave and Bruce finds a giant knit sweater waiting for him on a very comfortable looking armchair. It's a sweater with the Periodic Table on the front of it and some flasks with green liquid on the back. It's soft and comfortable and it feels like a hug when he wears it. He spends the day curled up in the armchair working on crosswords and dozing in and out. It's the best birthday he's had in a long time. 


End file.
